Wednesday, June 13, 2012

late as usual

I'll try not to blabber on too much, i feel absolutely horrible right now... : /
I over did it today, actually I over did it talking with Christine.. hopefully she will be able to post next week!
I spend so much of my time isolated, so when i actually get the chance to TALK... really talk to another human being, I usually get a little... enthusiastic. I was talking too fast, too loud, and TOO MUCH. I got a mild headache, and some occasional dizziness and muscle jerks while talking to her, but I kept going and didn't stop. And later in the day i totally crashed.... so here i am..... YAY. I love being sick. *sarcastic pout* But I'm sure I will feel fine in the morning. :  /
Oh and i almost blacked out today, i stood up, walked out to the kitchen to drink something, and almost went completely blind. I actually thought i was going to faint, lately when i have my "almost blackouts" they feel slightly different than the blackouts I used to have.. I actually feel the blood rush down into my limbs much more than i used to.  I like feel a fluid-like rush of heat into my lower legs, and sometimes i can even feel the blood rush through my thighs and into my lowers arms too. Also, right after the heat rush into my limbs, i don't spend very much time feeling "tingly" like I used to... I just kind of jump right to numb and sometimes i seem to skip the tingly part altogether. I feel more tingly after its all over and I'm trying to shake the feeling back into my arms and legs. And I don't have the ability to "lock my knees any more." I used to lock my knees when i felt a blackout coming on so that i wouldn't fall over, and it worked 99% of the time. I would remain up-right the entire time through a blackout. Even the severe ones where i would be blind, dizzy, deaf, numb/tingly, paralyzed, and where i would still be awake but not able to really form a cohesive thought.... i would remain standing somehow by locking my knees first. But I usually can't do that any more. Its like I don't have the strength in my legs any more when I'm about to black out to lock my knees. So at all I can do is try to grab on to something near by and hold on and hope I don't fall down. This usually works as long as there is something nearby to grab on to... go figure.

Find joy in the tiny things, even if its just a lady bug crawling across the window." - my mom

On a happier note, I looked out the windows this evening and the sunset was amazing! The clouds were lavender, peach, and cotton candy pink.. and sometimes in-between. I don't think i have ever seen a color halfway between peach and cotton candy pink until today, and it was a treat! Also there was a point where the clouds were all one color, and it was like cotton candy blue sky, with cotton candy pink clouds.. and no other colors! It was adorable! I wish i could have taken pictures, but i wasn't feeling well, my camera is dead, and i have a hard time taking pictures out of windows anyway. Maybe I just don't know how to use a camera, but when taking pictures out of a widow the camera always just focuses on the window screen and won't look at the scenery behind it! If someone knows how to fix that lemme know.

Jesus loves you!


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